The Sweet Tooth Show
by StrawberriBlood
Summary: Now starring your favorite psychotic serial murderer! Cameo by ? Note: Never eat a killer's cupcakes...
1. Starring: L

**Goodness gracious:**

**Dug this up out of some long-forgotten file. A sad attempt at my being funny after I first read The Los Angeles BB Murder Cases. **

**I think once I'm done with my other works I'll re-write this in actual story format.**

…**.**

**Yeah right.**

Announcer: Welcome to the Sweet Tooth show! Thank you for tuning in! And here is the star of the show, L!  
*_Audience claps_*

L: *_shuffles onto the set_* … *_adjusts his frilly pink apron_*

*_The studio remains quiet as L stands in the middle of the set, doing nothing*_

-Five minutes later-

*_producer_ _runs onstage, whispers to L, then runs off_*

L: *_loudly_* Oh yes. I forgot. *_begins_ _to gather bowls and kitchen tools from cabinets and drawers_*

Audience member: Umm…L?

L: *_looks up from a cookbook held up in front of his face_* Yes?

Audience member: What are you going to be baking?

L: Apparently a cake.

*_audience oohs and ahhhs_*

Same audience member: Umm…L?

L: Yes?

Audience member: What exactly kind of cake?

*_the producer runs up again and whispers to L_*

L: Strawberry shortcake.

*_more oohs and ahhhs_*

L: So, you add flour. *_pours in a bag of flour_* and some eggs *_throws in three or four whole eggs_* and….*_turns the cookbook he's holding upside down and his eyes grow wide_* …sugar! *_empties an entire bag of sugar into the mixing bowl while jumping up and down_* Oh boy!  
*_Audience grows silent, exchanging alarmed glances between one another_*

L: Woo! *_looks back at recipe_* that's all? That's not nearly enough! There must be more…SUGAR!!! *_Runs around the kitchen and finds a whole shelf of sugar bowls_*

*_He stops in his tracks and stares at the sugar. He gets down on his knees and begins to bow down*_ Oh, sweet, merciful sugar! It is I, L! Your humble servant!  
*_Many audience members begin to get up from their chairs and quickly head for the exists, while others take out video cameras_*

L: Oh, wonderful, beautiful, SUGAR!!!! *_begins to pour a bowl of sugar down his throat_*

L: *_singing, loudly and off-key_* POUR SOME SUGAR ON ME, BABY!!!!!!!!

*_producer flanked by security runs up to L and tries to take away the sugar_*

L: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! *_uses mad Capoeira skills and kicks producer in the face, sending him flying across the stage and into pots and pans…audible crash follows_*

Security Guard#1: Quick, Jim! Now!  
Security Guards#2: *_whips out taser and shoots L_*

L: *_Jumps up and kicks both guards in the face, each instantly KO'd_* BAHAHAHAHA!!! Don't you know??? Pure sugar is INVINCIBLE!!!!!! *_grabs as many bowls of sugar as he can and jumps out of the nearby window_*

Announcer: Aaaand that's all the time we have! Thank you for joining us today on the Sweet Tooth show! Next week we will be featuring a new host! Tune in next time to meet our new star!

-Audience members leave and the studio is quiet. The guards eventually wake up and leave also, not bothering to wake the producer-

-Several hours later-

Producer: *_groans and sits up_* Oh, my head. *_hears a shuffling behind him_*

Producer: GAH!!! *_jumps up when he sees someone looking through the fridge_* Oh, L. *_quickly remembers what happened_* YOU'RE FIRED!!!

Mystery Man: *_Turns around_* Huh?

Producer: *_realizes the man is not L_* Oh, sorry. You just look like someone…hey, wait a minute. How did you get in here??

Mystery Man: *_takes hand out of jam jar and licks his fingers_* you…thought I was L..?

Producer: Answer me! And you can't eat that! That's the food used for the show!  
Mystery Man: You….thought that I was……L….?

Producer: *_stops for a moment as a brilliant idea overcomes him_* Hey! Forget about what I just said! You're welcome to have all the jam you want! And, I'll let you come here EVERY day and bake all kinds of good stuff. You just have to do it in front of a camera and audience. What do you think?

Mystery Man: ……L was here?

Producer *_huffs out of frustration_* Yeah, he was. But he's gonna be fired ASAP, so we need a replacement. How would you like to replace L?

Mystery Man: ……so B will be better than L…

Producer: …..sure, kid. So you're up for it?? *_grinning hopefully_*

Mystery Man: …….well, if there's jam….

**Hahaha I'm a freak. Looking back on it, I chuckled.**

**A bit.**

**Not much -_-**


	2. Starring: B

**Aaand here's part two!  
Hope y'all enjoy. **

* * *

Announcer: Hello and welcome to The Sweet Tooth Show! Thanks for tuning in. Please give a round of applause to our new host, B!

Random audience member: _*whispers to friend*_ Why do all of these guys have only one letter names..?

_*B walks onto the set and heads straight for the fridge*_

Audience: …

_*B starts to devour jars upon jars of jam while several audience members gag*_

**-Several moments later-**

Audience: …

**-Several minutes later-**

Random audience member: _*stands up*_ BOO! This show SUCKS!

B: _*jerks head in the direction of the person*_ What?! What the HELL did you just say?!?!

Same guy: _*sits back down*_ Uh…nothing. _*hangs head*_

B: That's what I thought, fool. _*goes back to shoveling handfuls of jam into his mouth*_

_*Producer runs onset and jerks the jam jar out of B's hands*_

B: _*staring at the producer in complete disbelief*_ …

Producer: This is live! You can't say that! And you need to go with the script! Remember?? You're supposed to be baking cupcakes! _*shoves a copy of the script into B's hands*_

B: …

Producer: Remember you work for me! Now get back to work, slave! _*fuming, he scurries off the set, leaving a stunned B*_

B: _*eye twitches*_ …

**-A few moments later-**

_*regaining his composure and shaking his head, B looks down at the script*_

B: 'Hello. I'm B.' _*looks at audience *_

Audience: …

B: YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO APPLOUD ME, YOU INCOMPETENT—

Producer: _*gives B death stare*_

B: _*closes his eyes and sighs*_ … *_looks back at script*_ Today I'm going to be making cupcakes. These can be great for any occasion, such as birthday_—*freezes*_

Producer: _*motions for him to continue*_

B: _*throws script on the floor*_ What the hell is this?? _*spits on the papers*_ Are you trying to get me arrested?!? _*starts grabbing random ingredients and throwing them all together in a large bowl* _How can I be better than L_—*throws in a saltshaker*—_if I'm in jail?? *_throws in a small bottle extracted from his back pocket*_

Producer/Audience: …

**-Meanwhile, in the L.A. St. Peter's Mental Health Rehabilitation Clinic-**

Big guy in a white coat: Good morning, L. How about I turn on the TV for you?

L: …

_*The Sweet Tooth Show appears onscreen*_

B: I WILL BEAT L!! AND I SHALL BE THE BEST!! KYAHAHAHAHA!!!

L: _*shoots up from bed*_ I FUCKING KNEW IT!!!!

**-Back at Studio 13B-**

B: _*laughing maniacally and stirring the random contents in the bowl vigorously*_ HEE HEE HEE! Wait, no…AH HA HA HA HA!! Wait…how about—

Same random audience guy: BOO! YOU SUCK!

B: _*stops*_ you… _*puts down bowl and slowly looks up at the man*_ you…are next!!

Same guy: Wait…what?!

B: _*jumps on top of the counter and grabs a knife from the drawer* _YOU! BOB SMITH!!! _*points at Bob*_

Bob: Wait…how'd you know my name?? _*stands up, starts to scoot past the seats and down the aisle*_

B: _*Leaps offset and into the audience*_ you're time is OUT, Bob!!! _*starts chasing after Bob*_

Bob: NOOOO!!! _*runs out the exit door and proceeds to be followed by B, until running straight into a tree, dying instantly*_

B: Well, that was disappointing…

B: _*shrugs*_ Back to work_…*hums*_

**-After B gets back to the Studio-**

_*Entire Audience is in chaos—people running and screaming and pointing at B and the set*_

B: What? I didn't kill him. I swear! _*looks on stage* _Oh…

Produer: _*dead*_

B: _*cracks up*_ Oops…henh henh henh henh…

Random audience member: _*scream*_ it must have been Kira!! He just keeled over and grabbed his chest!! OH NOES!!!

Other random audience member: Who cares? This was waaay better than some gay cooking show _*leaves to upload the whole thing on youtube*_

B: Well, looks like I'm safe. And L will never know that I really… HAHAHAHA!!! _*starts laughing so hard, people stare and leave quickly*_

**-After the studio clears out-**

B: _*walks over to the producer*_ Ha ha… _*prods man with his shoe*_

B: _*looks over at the substance he had mixed earlier*_ Aww…did the little piggy try some of B's cupcake batter? That stuff is bad for you, you know_…*starts to laugh and leaves the studio*_

**-Several hours later-**

Unidentified person: _*walks into the barren studio*_ Uh…hello?

Mystery man: _*sees producer and walks over to him*_ Ew…

Mystery man: _*sees the bowl of 'cupcake batter' and leans in*_ …_ *sniffs it slightly*_ …poison? What kind of a cooking show is this?!?! _*takes out a chocolate bar and takes a bite*_

Myster man: ...I kinda like it…

* * *

**What happens to B? Who will be the new producer?? Who IS this new mystery man??? And WHY is L in the loony bin??? Oh wait, we know the last one already….**


End file.
